Monday, October 28, 2002

Lonely...I'm Mr. lonely...who sang that song?

I never get lonely...never. I am terrible about avoiding social events but luckily somehow I have friends anyway. Yet--keeping a blog is making me lonely. Why? Perhaps it seems like talking to myself and we all know how pathetic that is.

I used to shamelessly talk to myself on the way home from school when I was little. I had no idea people were not supposed to talk to themselves. In fact, I used to have long and complex conversations with myself where there were more than one speaker. Sadly, the Roaches (yes, that was really their name)--one of the many large families on my street shamed me into refraining from talking to myself. These large families--the Roaches, the Glicks, the Youngs--and especially the mean and heartless older brothers of my younger girlfriends socialized me in this way. Through making fun of the way I ate, the way I dressed, the way I talked to myself while walking home from school. In a certain way they did me a favor. My parents didn't quite bother or perhaps notice my oddities.

Now I am well socialized. Socialized well enough to be invited out to more than one thing most Friday and Saturdays where I can say 'no' and stay home by myself. Sometimes talking to myself on this blog (although usually I read). Well, I suppose it could be worse. I might never have known how to turn my oddities into charming quirks that make me such a hit at parties.

All done through deep shaming of course but perhaps that is how we become working members of society in any case.


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