Sunday, November 17, 2002


Freakin' hell...I said I would never write a metablog. 'Cause such things could be dangerous. You'd start blogging about blogging. Pretty soon you'd be blogging about blogging about blogging about blogging about blogging.

Think it isn't possible. There...up there I just blogged about blogging about bloggin. Right now I'm bloggin about bloggin about bloggin about bloggin.

Be careful man. I mean it!

When I first found out about blogs...well, let's just say it seemed like an idea whose time had to come--a genius idea. I used to dream as a child of calling up strangers on the phone and asking them what they were doing. (Luckily, I refrained from doing that. Um. I think I did.) I've always wanted to spy on people (Luckily I also refrained from doing that...well, mostly.) Once we found the key to someone's house. I was about 12. We just went in and looked at all their stuff all day. Then we locked the door, dropped the key in the mailbox and left. That's what blogging reminds me of.

But this is what I hate the most about this little 'hobby': God, the boredom that arises at times! Telling the truth about my life, saying one damn thing about my life. So boring! Yawn. That's the last time I'm doing that.

Like watching TV, reading blogs can make me cranky. If I were a man, crankiness would make me go out and shoot my coworkers or something. Since I am a woman I...what? Take a long hot bath, forget to call my husband.

There are 5 main blog genres that I have come across so far
1. The Angry Young/Middleaged Man: Political....Left or Right--doesn't quite matter for level of content alone because the kind I am thinking of lack evidence, arguments, information. If you agree with them you'll say "fuck yeah!" and get angry...If you disagree you'll want to put 40 bullets into the computer screen...and get angry.

The ones on the right drive me insane, the ones on the left give me useful links. Rarely does one find arguments in either. That's how I'm defining the genre, in fact: mere polemics. The one that makes me want so filled with rage I think my head might explode is Yale pundit. The thing that amazed me the most about Yale was how dumb so many students there were. I sometimes think: Maybe it was just ressentiment? They mostly came from rich families, were destined for a life of privilege I would never have, wanted it all to come easy anyway. Unfortunately, this blog confirms some of them really were as stupid as I thought.. No arguments, mere slander.

Diagnosis of these boys: They aren't cool. They know the leftists get more chicks, have more fun, better sex. Filled with resentment at their unpopularity, they feel alienated inside (yes, conformity is a response to alienation) and they want to make the hate within appear externally as hate without. Thus, they say things that horrify and disturb their fellow students. When finding everyone hates them for their political beliefs, they can avoid recognizing those character flaws which might make them confront their own self-hatred. Then, when they spew vitriol all over everyone and those who are splashed with it react with horror, they get together in a little group and discuss how 'the left' controls the university and affirm one another's persecuted status.

I'm not sure what to say about the middle aged ones. I think it is roughly the same problem. Cognitive disfunction caused by some deep social/psychic wounding.

I understand the anger of the left. I had that anger. I'm working on a new thing now. What is it? I wouldn't call it 'not caring.' It's something else--something??? hmmmm. It's like emotional detachment. I'm depersonalizing politics. Thinking about it from the outside. Avoiding it as an 'identity statement.'

You think I don't know we are living in evil times? Reading the newspaper is like looking in that globe that lets you see the eye of Mordor.

It seems like there should be a better response to evil than pissiness, that's all I'm saying.

Whew! Got a little sidetracked there.That's what the 'mere polemics' blogs do to you.

Genre #2: My funny, whacky life. Self-explanatory.

Example: I realized today that I am living entirely on peanut butter. Peanut butter is the source for all my celular and metabolic processes. Note: I really did make this up. I'm not making fun of anyone.

Like those OK. Some of them are good, some are great. Whether I like them depends on how well written they are. My blog is a version of whacky life, I suppose. The sub-genre where some shit is made up. I avoid whenever possible writing about my life in an accurate way. I don't lie, I just exaggerate.

Sometimes it is: My horrible terrible life. I think these belong in the same genre. The "What Happened To Me Today" genre. I don't want to do an imitation of those. They make me sad.

Genre #3: Tormented teenager. These are heartbreaking sometimes. I read one guys blog about how his parents went out drinking again, his mom fell down the stairs and then his dad fell down trying to help his mom up.

Genre #4: Happy little girly teenager. Paw prints, pink. Anime. Cute. Can't read those. I never understand what is going on there.

Genre #5: Guess what I found on the internet? Mostly links. This site says this, that one says that. Like these too. Always think: Crazy world we live in! One blogger (shucks, forgot his name) compared the internet to an ocean full of 'dead ships.' Floating aimlessly, pilotlessly through an endless sea.

Naturally, there are some that defy description...I don't list these because not everything written is written within a genre.

Oh, I'm sure there are more. I just can't...Well, I'm getting sort of tired. I search and search. The problem is that the first blog I really read carefully was "I, Asshole." And it was too brilliant and caused me to search for more like it. I spend so much time searching (time I don't have) but there is only one "I, Asshole."

My Quest...

I tell myself I am on a quest...Rationalizing things is a skill I greatly value. Perhaps my incredible ability to rationalize anything is the thing I most admire about myself.

(Stay tuned for Volume 3 of Excuses: Excuses To Oneself).

Thus...the quest. To find the thing...the genius thing. The thing that will change my life. The blog of reality, the secret magical blog...the blog of truth.

The blog with all the answers. The blog of God...

This is my rationalization for why I spend so much time looking at blogs in the last few months. Good, eh? Feel free to borrow it for your own self.

Finally...To the side are some blogs du genius. The Best of I Asshole, Magnificent Obsessions and Defective Yeti are my current favorites. Yes, they are good. But they are not holy. And until I find the holy blog my quest goes on.


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