Tuesday, January 28, 2003

Do you ever have a really stupid thought?

A thought so stupid and uncharacteristic of you that it is almost as if someone has taken over your brain. Or if you are channelling some other stupid person's thoughts? I'm not saying I don't have stupid thoughts...It's just that they have a certain character, a form, a content. I think things like: Would sweet almond oil make a good nighttime moisturizer? How many calories does 15 cups of popcorn covered in 8 Tablespoons of butter have?

OK but today I had a thought that could not have been mine...It was stupid but not stupid in the way that I am stupid. I went to the movies to avoid life, the state of the union address, what have you...And I saw on the slides they put up before the movie: Kevin Costner joined the Sioux Nation while filming dancing with wolves in 1989.

And I thought: Wait...1989. That was not so long ago. There's still hope for Kevin Costner. Kevin Costner can rest on his laurels, really. Although he made a hideous and ridiculous movie, people did admire him for it. Oh, why has Kevin Costner fallen so low?

And then I proceeded to think of a strategy whereby Kevin Costner could revive his career. See, what he needs to do is start playing crazed, evil villians. Very far out movies--Quentin Tarantino type movies. He also needs to parody himself and be in a movie where he plays a has-been obnoxious and horrible celebrity.

That's right...I thought about Kevin Costner. Not only did I think about Kevin Costner, I thought about how I could help Kevin Costner.

I don't even despise him. He is too dumb and annoying to despise. But still.

Oh God, what a trash heap the modern world has made of my mind. Is there any hope? Is there any way to scrape this garbage dump clean? No, no it's too late. For the rest of my life I'm going to know things like "What you talkin' 'bout Willis?' I'll remember the theme song to "H.R. Puffenstuff" (even though I never saw the show kids at my school sang it incessantly). I even recall the song from the Dole 'Tiki Room' at Disneyland (it's very catchy).

I've often desired complete amnesia--mostly so that I could get out of doing things I'm supposed to do. And yet...here again is another reason to want the synapses cleansed, the background knowledge erased for good. I'd even go so far as to forget all language if I never, ever have to think about Kevin Costner again for as long as I live.


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