Monday, February 10, 2003

The secret of happiness

What is the secret of happiness....

I remember when I was a kid there were these independent TV stations--they would have strange shows. One was called the 'Bluebird of Happynews.' It only had...yeah, right...happy news.

Those pre-cable many great local shows. It was better than community access since they got paid and could do more but still be strange.

Of course, I don't have cable. Maybe public access is amazing and fantastic? I only remember a few hideously boring faux talk shows that I watched at my in-laws house.

Talked to a guy today...He told me how he got across the border. Well, two borders since he was from Central America. It cost him $5,000. Another friend who snuck across fronted him the money. His kids and wife are back home. He sort of has dreams of going back for a visit.

After I talked to him I had this strange feeling and I realized it was the feeling of total admiration. All told, he supports 7 people all by himself on his minimum wage salary. All he does is work and work. He was brave enough to cross and take those risks. Just: Responsibility and guts and ambition.

I didn't know what to say...I guess I said a bunch of stupid things. It is as if you would think I would say 'wow...I am privileged...' but I don't think so--only economically. (Of course, that counts for something.) He's truly doing something important with his life.

I guess I must be arrogant. I don't admire people much, I realized. I sort of babbled because it dawned on me that here was a person capable of things that are very extraordinary--a kind of courage and sense of duty I don't think I could ever have.

What guts it takes to go from your little town somewhere to these huge cities. It takes guts to move from New York to San Francisco (a few)...Can you imagine the guts it takes to go from a village with no electricity to New York City...or Chicago? Sometimes I see these new immigrants and I think: How did you do that?

He said he was scared to leave the house for months for fear of getting lost. He lived with the friend who loaned him the money.

And he said he was happy. He was happy because it is working--he successfully cares for his children, his parents, his wife and everyone. They are all making it in this tough and screwed up world and that makes him happy. He wants to do more...and stay out of trouble so he won't get deported. I think he will.

Then...talked to another guy from Morrocco later on. He's convinced the Jews control congress and the media, etc. I was trying to convince him that's bunk--I doubt if he believed me.

It is always so strange to think the way you look at the world can be highly arbitrary. It feels so secure but it depends on so many things that might have been entirely different. Just another one of those babbling to strangers view. For some reason, I enjoy talking to certain strangers. Don't know why. Educational?

Oh, I have a new plan for this thingy here. My plan is to write short fiction every day instead of simply bla bla. Then I can justify my short story addiction to myself. I've been doing a bit better lately....but only a bit. No, writing bla bla stories won't serve as any form of justification since they will be bla bla--I'm a natural bla bla producer.

What will it do then? Well, I'll just see how I manage it. It might be interesting.

Here are my rules
(1) The story has to have a beginning middle and an end. I have to complete the story...even if it is 'and they all died.' The End...
(2) However, installations will be permitted as long as they are self-standing in some way
(3) I can't do too much other bla bla since it will take up too much time.

Shucks. I had some other rule but I forgot what it was.


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