Thursday, September 25, 2003

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals...
So let's do it like they do it on the Discovery Channel...

So I have no one to compare myself to in the motherhood department except these friends of mine who always, always, always wanted to be mommies. They are the perfect mommies--utterly transfixed by breast feeding and the like. I'm afraid I won't be in their league.

There is my own charmingly neglectful mother as a great role model. She always forgot to pick us up! Or to feed us breakfast and lunch!

True story: Once, my parents left me in the backseat of the car when I fell asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night in the car. I cried because I was only about 2 and didn't know how to pull the handle. The neighbor heard me and picked me up and woke up my parents and took me inside.

That's actually a mild story. There are much worse ones. I think my parents were just working too hard, tired and forgetful. But they may also have been drunk.

And yet we all turned out fine! In fact, I probably get along better with my parents than any of my friends do with their parents. I've yet to understand how all their children ended up fairly (and only fairly) normal. We all have high standardized test scores at least.

(Another reason to want a smart baby. I don't care if my kid is really, really smart because that's actually kind of a handicap for various reasons. I just want him to be smart enough so I don't have to do much. Like my brother. Spent his whole childhood watching TV and the kid's a genius with perfect SAT scores. I swear I can't recall my parents every reading him a bedtime story. He didn't need educational experiences. The kid's a self starter.)

When I really get nervous I tell myself: You are a mammal. Even the dumbest mammals seem to know what to do with their young. If cats can do it how hard can it be? Everyone know how stupid cats are...


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