Monday, December 13, 2004

I Posted...

One time I actually did post and somehow it didn't show up.

I took that as a sign.

Is this site officially dead? I have been de-linked from many of youse guys. What a girl disappears for six months or so you just abandon her like that? Sheesh.

If not dead, this site will have few readers. I will not know this, however, because I can no longer remember the site meter password or my password to my notify list. Yes, that's how long it's been.

It's a little heartbreaking to think back on two (three?) whole years of bla bla and to have it go down the drain. But it was always down the drain.

I still love you, you who de-linked me. (No, really...I understand. But will it make you feel bad to know that I was sick? No? Writing a book? No? Unemployed? Amnesiac? What will it take to get your pity?)

The truth is so darn uninteresting. (Well, I did hear voices at one point but I'll save that story for later.) The truth is that I am writing a series of articles and have a baby. (A book sounds so much better, but these are very loooong articles.) Both are big, adult responsible things. Should I write about my baby or play with my actual baby? Should I spend time writing about the crap state the world is in here or earn money to protect my baby from a life of wage labor?

It's strange to make choices. It's strange to be so constrained. I did discover one self-help type thing (as much as I hate self-help things) and that is that I at least am happier when focussed on someone else. Someone cute, in this case. Someone so delicious and chubbily chewable that my notorious craving for cigarettes is defeated by biting her little cheeks. I hope she won't complain about this in junior high when I have to stop by her softball practice for a few nibbles.

I figured out a way to use this kind of internet blather thing in my work. It won't be fun to read as it's only useful to my work if I stop making shit up and write about what really goes on in my life. I plan to rise, phoenix-like from the ashes, with a whole new site, etc. Soon, very soon.

OK, maybe in a few months.


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