Thursday, January 02, 2003


A lot of times I just hate things for what they stand for in my mind. NPR stands for something in my mind. I don’t know—upper middle class white people? Smug self-satisfied upper middle class white people? Smug ivy-league educated upper middle class white women who grill me about why I am using the computers? Do I know that the computers are there only for the very special people who are allowed to use them?

Incident 1:
NPR listener: These computers are not for public use.
Former NPR listener: I know. I work here.
NPR listener: Oh, really? What do you do?
FNL: Bla bla bla
NL: Oh really, do you know so and so…bla bla…Subtly trying to find out if I am lying by asking me questions that ‘only someone who worked there would know.’

Incident 2
NL: Looks at me suspiciously—do I know you? (She apparently has a bad memory.)
NL: What do you do here?
FNL: I work here.
NL: Oh really, what work do you do?
FNL: Bla bla bla. (I hate myself for not saying: Lady! What the hell is wrong with you! Why WOULDN’T I work here?)
All the while she is looking deep into my eyes to see if I’m telling the truth.

Incident 3
(Office is closed—only theory she can possibly have at this point: I work for the cleaning staff…Yeah, she’s a ‘liberal’ who listens to NPR and obsessively writes letters to her congressman opposing the war in Iraq. But if you are a janitor—DON’T USE THOSE DAMN COMPUTERS)

NL: (Vaguely seems to remember me this time. Looks uncomfortable.) I’m sorry—I don’t remember you. Do you work here?
FNL: Yes, I work here.
NL: (Eyeing me suspiciously. Noticing my slovenly clothes) What…How…has your work been going lately? I mean, what have you been working on lately?
FNL: (Again…I hate myself for pretending like I don’t know what she is up to. She’s insane but I treat her as if she is just making conversation. Her tweed skirt intimidates me. Also, she is older than me and I can’t be impolite to older people): Bla bla bla.
NL: Abruptly ends conversation. She doesn’t want to talk to me.

I also hate Noam Chomsky. It’s not fair, I know. But the people who are way into Noam Chomsky bug the hell out of me. He is their God and they are the most annoying people in the world. They are the people who support the FARC in Colombia. Because they are Marxists. The FARC are just misunderstood, they say. Hence, I cannot help myself and must hate Noam Chomsky. Well, his books anyway. Not the man.

Actually, when Noam Chomsky went to Turkey—even if it might have been a bit ill-advised—I admit I started to love him a bit. But I will never worship him.

I think those kind of people should all be forced to move to Colombia and to live there for the rest of their lives.

Don’t get me started on the people that love Fidel Castro.

Can’t help myself…must bla bla about this.

I think this is the logic they use:

I am a communist.
Therefore, I love communism.
Castro is a communist.
Therefore, I love Castro.

Sheesh. And then they complain that Christians are irrational and stuff. Why does Christianity always get the rap? The crusades? The current pope? All the pope does is tell people not to use birth control and puts moral pressure on people. And they listen to him, OK. Maybe that’s not always good for them. Some things the pope says are true and even Noam Chomsky might agree with them. Besides, the pope can’t really make anyone do anything they don’t want to do…unlike Castro (who sure isn’t the worst by a longshot…but he’s not good). I think it’s just hipper to hate Christianity.

It is perfectly socially acceptable, it seems, to despise people for their most deeply held beliefs. As long as they aren’t Jews or Buddhists (oh, actually—you can despise them if they are orthodox Jews, apparently).

The people who love Castro should also be forced to move to Colombia. I would make them move to Cuba but they could continue to live on the dollar there and they wouldn’t learn the deep life lesson I wish to impose upon them.

I want to be a communist still…I really do! I don’t care about the collapse of the Soviet Union and still think Marx is sorta kinda right. But as should be obvious by now, communists don’t invite me to their parties anymore.

I don’t hate people—I try to keep my hate abstract. I don’t want to hurt them. In fact, I wish them all the best. I just want them to wise up.

When my former housemate and I used to have a basement we had dreams of setting up a re-education camp in the basement for all our annoying classmates. We only planned to keep them in there a little while. We thought maybe we could get them to do our laundry and watch educational videos. About? Hard to remember. I think we planned to make them watch the PBS series ‘Eyes On The Prize.’ Perhaps we’d throw in a little Cheech and Chong for good measure. So they’d realize the darker peoples of the world are not only oppressed but maintain their sense of humor.

Some of the people I love voted for Nader. And when I get upset about things that are happening now (like the recent election) they look at me with this blank stare. Like: Wait! But nothing that is happening matters…It will all be the same no matter what the politicians do. Everything is the same…we must remain detached from the evil workings of the actual world.

They still think it makes no difference who is in office—ever—no matter who it is—if they happen to belong to the two major parties. They still believe this. They are on another planet—a planet where facts do not intrude. You should see the strange look in their eyes. It is as if they have been brainwashed or something. I remember trying to prove to them before the election: Bush will get us into a war. They are now convinced that this war was like…causally determined or something. They are mad, mad I tell you.

But I love them anyway.

And then there are the people I love who don’t believe in the theory of evolution. And some other stuff I just don’t have the heart to put into words.

I love them and try not to think about it.


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