Wednesday, June 25, 2003

I Didn't Get What I Want Yet

I'm suddenly started to realize I didn't get what I want in life yet. I remember one day I realized: I won't get to have everything I want. I put that thought out of my mind.

But it bothers me: I've compromised so much.

In fact, often I have to say to myself, that's what I wanted, not what I want.

I've even forgot what I want so unlikely is it that I could have everything I want.

It's a tragedy, really.

Sure, some of the things I want are things that cost lots of money. Well, of course. That is one of the things I wanted. Some of them are relatively affordable. For example, a pet monkey. I wanted a pet monkey. I don't have that!

Naturally, there's a bit of a problem with pet monkeys. They take a lot of work and time and attention. Some expertise is involved. So I also want (or wanted I should say since my wants have become so few, so pathetically scaled down as of late) someone to take care of a pet monkey.

However, I also have some ethics. And I realize that my pet monkey might not be happy just anywhere. My pet monkey needs to live near it's natural habitat. India? I guess? Well, somewhere cool and lush. And it's important for my needs that this house be on the edge of a verdant jungle with waterfalls within eyeshot. And I don't want anyone else swimming in my waterfall pools so that they will be pristine so I need to own the land the waterfalls are on. I want the furniture to be tropical hardwood, but not harvested recently for obvious reasons. Antique tropical hardwood.
Anything else just rots right off the bat.

And I like the ocean so I can't just live in the jungle with my pet monkey. I also need a home near the ocean.

Which requires a private jet.

I'm very close and attached to my family and so I can't spend all my time in my house in the cool rainforest (yeah! That's it--a rainforest. Preferable one without too many large hairy spiders or else many servants to catch the large hairy spiders.)

Thus, I need the cash to fly my private jet to see my family. And many rooms for their visits, etc. Also, I need enough money to keep them off my back when they realize I'm spending time out of the country where I may be less accessible. And obviously, cel phones and good phone service (my father especially demands that I am available by phone at all times).

And when I think about it this all seems quite complicated. Hence, I do think I need many servants. Not merely servants but well-educated asssistants. Not only to care for my pet monkey but to manage the many complexities which seem to accompany monkey ownership. I'm sure there is paperwork to file with all the stuff and multiple countries and so forth. And to basically do all the paperwork that life requires since I'm not very good at that. And perhaps give my backrubs and tell me I'm a brilliant genius.

But that's it... That's all I want. I'm still trying to understand why everyone can't have everything they want. It's probably just a mental thing right? Undoubtedly, if one simply conceives of things correctly, believes, truly believes one will receive them. Isn't that how it is supposed to work. Someone told me this once anyway.


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