Monday, June 30, 2003

I'll smoke to that!

Oh, damn. I'm so evil. We're ambivalent about having a baby now so we decided to just do like a kind of baby-roulette thing.

About a month ago boy and I were sitting on some steps doing the late night thing and I said "I could be pregnant right now!" And he said "I'll smoke to that!" As I had just exhaled a stream of smoke from my mouth while uttering that sentence.

The thing is--I don't smoke much. But there is this whole 'smoking when you are pregnant is evil...' thing. Even though it doesn't do all that much that's bad.

God, I want to smoke for the rest of my life. Sometimes I think I don't really belong in America.

I'm quitting OK? Shut up!

And I'm not pregnant yet anyway and have a whole month to get drunk still (at least).

I've already talked about how in horror movies 9 times out of 10 the babies are evil. The little children speak Latin backwards in deep voices, etc. That should tell you something.

But after we saw the movie The Incredible Hulk we were very encouraged with the many possibilities for our infant. We have a gas leak in our apartment...Maybe our baby could be Gas Man!

He could grow up to breathe out natural gas and burn things or make bad guys pass out from the fumes.

And it also isn't lead-proofed...Lead Man! Giant fists of lead! Cannot be x-rayed.

Oh, you just never know what kind of superhero environmental damage can create....It's so exciting. I can't wait to find out.

This is just my teeny little protest against the sanctimony of motherhood and the whole 'fetal obsession' caused by modern medicine, etc. But as you can see by this addendum--I already feel guilty...It's starting already--guilt towards my non-existent baby.


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