Tuesday, October 28, 2003

Spam Names of the Week

As I've said before I am one of the few people who have discovered an enjoyable side to spam. For some reason at one of my spam catching emails I receive the most gloriously bizarre spam names. (And some enjoyable scam letters from Africa--love those creative Nigerians! They don't call a 'con artist' an artist for nothin'.)

Before getting knocked up I thought that spam could provide intriguing names for those short stories I almost but never quite finish. In fact, the names even inspire story production.

Now I've got my own little character right here in my belly! And the creature needs a name...will spam help us out?

Spam names of the week: Haaliya, Shroll Garnett; Crowther; Ornelaz Parreno; Vredeveld Giebel...

I can't figure out if it subtly racist of my parents to always veto names like: Leon, Leroy and Rufus...or if it is just bizarre of me to love these supposedly '1970's black names.' They are so cool! They are so 1970's and bring back good memories. Why can't you go retro in baby names? Also, Chinese and Korean names have this hard consonant crackle that I love. I used to have this friend name "Sook" and I would love to give my baby a sharp tough little name like that. Now I can name my kid something Irish without being Irish but I can't name my kid "Jiang." How come? Why is 'Liam' more authentic, natural, allowable than 'Hyung'?

Of course, usually when I wake up in the morning I think "Shesus H. Kheerist! What the hell did I eat last night?' And then it takes a minute before the horror dawns: "Holy God I'm pregnant! Noooooooo!!!!!!" I usually say to my husband that I changed my mind and then he offers to take the baby off my hands and let me run away and join the Peace Corps and/or circus (also allowing me to return when I change my mind without any 'Kramer v. Kramer' lawyer bills). But I think he's just humoring like the many times immediately before the wedding when I insisted on calling it off. He's such a great guy because he tries to make it really convincing when he does this like he really believes me.


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