Saturday, November 30, 2002


What is the maximum number of times one person could have sex in their life? I've decided...through much mathematical reasoning that it is 90, 885 times. But let's make it an even 10,000.

Of course, there is this metaphysical problem of differentiating 'times you had sex.' For example, sex with multiple partners, etc. Does that count as 7 or as 1? It's even not clear what counts as 'having sex.' I can define it however you like. If you define having sex as: A small tickle that occurs at the back of your throat; Or: Everytime I blinked my eyes; Or: Wanking...well, obviously you'll come up with different figures.

So be reasonable here. Use the commonly held definition. And do the math for yourself.

Being with one person for a looooonnnggg time said to bad for one's sex life, etc. Just not true--being with one person for a long time allows one room for innovation. In fact, el chico and I have invented many sexual postions that you haven't even thought of yet--let alone tried. Here's a non-exhaustive list of said positions. I promised I wouldn't post any of our 'secret ones' so I should say we have lots more. (Sorry, I'm just too shy to describe them...try and use your intuition):

The Dusseldorf Convex
The Mobius Jack-O-Lantern
The Repeat Offender
Fleeing Across the Border in a '69 Chevy
Neat-O! (® TM)
You just lie there, OK? I'll do all the work! (® TM)
The Dancing Rabbit
A Serenade At The Villa

I have to give el chico credit for inventing 99.99% of these...Admittedly, he might have drafted them early (probably during his teenage years) but I got to edit the final versions.

If perchance you have the post-Thanksgiving blues Turbanhead'sThanksgiving greeting is bound to cheer you up.


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