Saturday, March 15, 2003

Don't forget the liquor...

The Washington Post today had a special insert on how to survive terrorism--or at least how to prepare for it. There was a hilarious line...something like "the chance of fatality in a terrorist attack is due to one's proximity to the deadly object..." They reassure you with the fact that someone else is more likely than you to be close and therefore to meet an untimely death.

And that driving is more dangerous.

So what do they tell you to do? Have a few extra days worth of food, some flashlights and some maps. Yeah, OK. What are the maps for? I guess for when you flee the city in terror? That's reassuring, alright.

Here's my list: Candy and liquor. Beer nuts. Buy at least a pound of cocktail snacks. I recommend red wine rather than white (it doesn't require refrigeration.) Lukewarm martinis are never tasty (refrigeration may not be possible.) Rum isn't horrible when lukewarm but only if it is very high quality rum such as Barbancourt...Obviously, sushi is out of the question. Don't even bother to stock up on that. While I eat a lot of beans and rice (actually, that's almost all I eat) these might not go over well when several people are crouched in the bathroom or during long car rides. But mostly--don't forget. This is the most exciting time in your life. You've waited a long time to be scared for real. So although you won't enjoy it--at least appreciate the moment of disruption. Don't drink yourself into such a stupor that you are ineffective in a moment of crisis.

I think...Well, for me I'd have to stock up on that evil substance Red Bull. Again with the advertising, I guess. I was so appalled by the fact it cost $1.99 for 8 oz. that I had to drink it. If you've never had it, this is the taste of it, essentially: 100 sweet tarts dissolved in a small cup of 7-up. Perhaps by association with the quick energy I have come to, need...that taste.

I recommend this or the new caffeinated gum they are selling. To counteract the liquor.


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