Saturday, August 09, 2003

Stop them...stop them...

My new campaign: Stop the famous people! Stop them! Stop them from being famous.

Oh, God. Please. Please? Please. Sob.

I can't take it anymore.

OK, I know it is the gym. B-b-b-b-but (she sputters with emotion) every single! Every single day I go there at a different time... and every single day there is a show about JLo on the TV. Every day...and there are banks of TVs in front of the machines.

And sometimes....oh, god...I can't say it...sometimes...there are TWO SHOWS about THEM.

First you would think: OK, why go for all famous people. Why not just stop THEM???!!! Don't you see it won't be enough. Because when the JLo show is over then the Brad Pitt show starts and then I have to hear about how Brad bought Jennifer a car that not only would pay all my student loan debt but leave enough over to feed a village of 60 starving afghans for a year. It's changing me I tell you. I feel poor.

Well, someone might say: Why not get rid of some of them but not all of them. But don't you know that we are always getting rid of them and every time we get rid of a Farah or a Ryan another one crops up to take his/her place...

They never stop, they never end. And even the minor ones that you get all mixed up with each other because they all look so much alike (Let's face it! White people look alike! I swear--sometimes you can't tell white people apart)--such as Reese and Kate and whatshername that said 'you had me at hello'--they start to get you too.

These people: They are in our brains. They are taking up mental space. We are keeping better track of them than we are our own children. We know more about them than the people next door. They are infiltrated our dreams!!! That's right! We are forced to dream about them even...

And why? For what reason? Because for some reason there is this general idea that if they talk about THEM than we will listen....Or something.

There is something deeper and more nefarious at work. I'm going to keep thinking about it.

But until then--do what you can to stop the fame pollution. When you see People magazine--do not buy it!! Change the channel! Boycott the horrible movies.

We must stop them...before it is too late!!!


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