Sunday, December 14, 2003

Some barely thematically connected thoughts...

Hey! Didja hear? They caught Saddam Hussein.

Just thought I'd throw that in.

I suppose I have more to say on the subject...I'll reveal more of my inside knowledge eventually. As you know, Saddam and I have a history together.

And speaking of that I was shocked! I tell you shocked! to hear Caspar Weinberger on the BBC World Report deny that the U.S had 'a relationship with Hussein.' "We did not have a relationship!" he vehemently declared. "It was only a weekend and we made it very clear that we were not ready for any sort of commitment. He knew we were using him. It was all about the moment."

Apparently, the weapons sales and hugs and categorical denials of genocide didn't count. They were really just trying to make Iran jealous, apparently.

A little help here and there and there and there...OK, a lot of help...doesn't mean a relationship.

The copy on this is silly...but it's about 'your placenta' and the 'six services it provides...' So cute when capitalist rhetoric permeates even our discussion of biological processes.

A scary and yet amusing look at new fatherhood...

Of course, I'm just in it for the baby pictures. Baby pictures are like porn to me now. In fact, I 'scope out' babies just like desperate young men do any woman with two breasts (and sometimes one)...

Actually, I'm more like a predator on the African veldt. I spot babies yards and yards away and it's as if my eyesight and all my senses hone in on the poor unsuspecting baby and its oblivious parents. It's almost like I can smell them. (Yes, sometimes they are a bit smelly.) And the rest of the world drops away--all I can see is that baby...

It's rather frightening.

But not as frightening as the Fisher Price catalog (which I refuse to link to). There are walkie talkies for newborns where you can speak to them "without entering the nursery!" and long distance monitors and weird vibrators for the mattress to 'soothe' the baby...And then there are about 20 other things containing electronics that apparently provide 'rewards' for baby for movement, etc.

Who works for Fisher Price? Do you need a degree in Skinnerian behaviorism to work in the infant product field? Apparently.

In case you've never heard of the Skinner box...

But the scariest thing is the happy, happy, happy, happy!!! look on the faces of the mommies as they gaze adoringly on their soothed and rewarded and uncrying babies. Underneath that happy look one senses the whiff of terror and desperation...

We're not worried. We've heard that you can attach styrofoam egg containers to the walls to soundproof a room. We've been saving them up for months.


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