Tuesday, April 08, 2003

Dumb things I did...Feel free to use them if you don't mind looking really stupid...

I posted an excuse once about how I gave myself a severe burn with a coffee press (which I am using for later. I didn't use the excuse. I decided to save it for an emergency.) I'm too lazy to link to the whole story but you get the idea.

OK--I did another dumb thing today and I thought it might come in handy for a day you need off work. I poured this stuff called 'oxyclean' into the sink over a stained shirt. (Clutzy...you can tell, huh? Sometimes I forget to wear all black to hide the stains.) Then the dust floated up and got into my nose...Causes burns on contact with mucous membranes! Fortunately I was near water and did not receive major injuries. I might have though...and this shows that it is possible at least.

Yeah! Try it (no, don't)...but you can use it in some lie sometime, right?

Then I remember this time when I was consolidating my spices and I accidentally got cayenne pepper in my eyes and nose. I mean: Huge amounts of cayenne pepper. I could not see, I could not breathe, etc.

Of course, that isn't the thing you are likely to do in the morning before work. But shirt de-staining and coffee burns are much more likely...

My husband argues vehemently that these elaborate incidents make bad excuses. I should keep it simple, he says.

But they really happen...Why doesn't that make them sound true? They ARE true! And particularly plausible for anyone who knows me. Sometimes he makes me feel so...guilty...for lying. Especially when I forget that I am actually lying and assume that the probable can be the possible and confusingly assume the possible has become actual. If I lie and say I am sick I often become sick.

Well, at least I find myself sleeping the whole day. And that goes against my basic principles with respect to excuse-making.

It's not my fault that these things tend to happen to me over the weekend. For example, I got sick during my vacation. Can't I use those sick days later to get out of work? It seems only fair.

Of course, the problem with using these excuses is that they are only something a completely spaced out, inattentive and clutzy person would do. Also: Possibly people may draw the conclusion you aren't too smart. And as I posted sometime a long time ago the best excuse for getting out of work is one that does not cast doubts on your ability to be productive and successful. So you might want to think twice before using them in sequence.


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