Tuesday, December 03, 2002

Things I Don’t Understand: Why Is Going Around Naked In Public Illegal?

It all just seems so strange. I don’t especially wish to go around naked or to see others naked. I suppose there are reasons we’d prefer not to. But I can’t believe it’s actually illegal! I mean—it’s just going around naked after all. No big deal. We’ve all seen naked people. Naked people are everywhere. But try going naked to the grocery store or even to the local convenience market. (OK—There was ‘naked guy.’ Now him I understand.)

And it’s illegal to have sex in public too. But why? It’s not like we’d want to do it everywhere. It’s not like—if we made it legal…everyone would just be having sex everywhere. People would probably still be shy and it would probably be pretty much the same way it is now. Except occasionally, there’d be people having sex—it would be sorta like…having conversations on cell phones is now. At first it would be shocking and then we’d just get used to it. “I had to stand up in the train on the way home. There would have been more room if there weren’t a couple of people having sex in there.” Or: “I almost hit some people in the aisle of the grocery store.” “Oh, were people having sex while waiting in line at the grocery store again? I hate that! It’s so hard to get your cart down the aisle sometimes.”

I think most people would be considerate though. They probably wouldn’t block public throughfares and such.

What’s the big deal? Sex in public! So what? I mean, it’s 2003. You’d think people would be over that whole ‘sex’ thing by now.

I just don’t understand: Have we made no progress at all? Like—you can swim in your underwear at the local public pool without getting arrested. But everyone will stare and get uncomfortable. And try going bowling or to the post office in your underwear! Underwear upsets people...That’s how bad it is. Have we gotten nowhere? Really.

The other day I was talking to my husband on the cell phone and I was kind of tired and I can really sleep anywhere. I said “Honey, do you think it would be OK if I took a nap here on the sidewalk?” And he said “No, you better not do that. It will freak people out.” “Well what about in these people’s front yard?” And he said “No, they’ll have you arrested.” Can you believe it? Arrested for falling asleep!

So I had to walk the whole way home in that groggy state.

Of course, sleeping in public places is something people do. Apparently you can get away with it on occasion. I think more people need to just defy these silly laws and customs and eventually people will realize they really aren’t necessary in the least.

Oh but then there’s something even crazier—Smoking pot is also illegal! That one is really hard to believe. Yes, isn’t that even more crazy? I mean it’s this little plant that you smoke and it makes you sort of stupid and you giggle and eat more than you planned to. And that’s all it does. And just try telling your boss that you smoke pot the first thing in the morning and see what he says. In this day and age, what is wrong with everyone? I mean, honestly.


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