Friday, November 14, 2003

Uh...There's nothing like communism for TOTAL sexual satisfaction...

Long live North Korean Cunnilingus!

You MUST not listen to this one without sound...

more from this Chang guy...

from Idletype...

Thursday, November 13, 2003

"Infiniti! Get over here now!"

Babies get brand names...

Shucks. In our more desperate moments (or perhaps just to annoy me) husband suggests brand names and car names when we walk by them.

We had the brilliant idea of naming the baby a brand name and then getting some kind of royalties for life. Like 'Reebok.' Wouldn't 'Reebok' pay for little Reebok F's college?

It looks like they don't have to--all these suckers are providing free advertising!

from Random Walks
OK, never mind

definition of the word 'irony.'

Incongruity between what is expected and what happens is irony, according to this dictionary--"between what might be expected and what actually occurs."

It's somewhat vague. For example, I might expect water to come out of the taps in my sink. And yet they turned off the water to work on the pipes...Can I say "how ironic, we have no water!"

Well, I could...of course. But it just wouldn't be right.

I still think the New Yorker this week has a misuse of irony--God forbid--in the last sentence: "Last week, Clark called for a new overseer in Iraq, accountable to an international body. Richard Holbrooke, for one, thinks that Wes Clark would have been the perfect choice to oversee the nation-building following George Bush's war. 'That is the supreme irony in all this,' he said."

That is not a contrast between what we expected and what happened, not exactly. Instead it is a contrast between how things are and how they might have been.

I guess I'm nit picking.

(Usually, when people care about shite like this I get very annoyed so I'll shut up now. I hate language nit picking. I don't know why. Perhaps it was one of the things I first found traumatic when forced to move to the East Coast and hang around with graduates of swanky colleges...Well, not forced...I was bribed by a rich university and lacked the willpower to resist the idea of getting paid not to work for years on end...I thought I could stay pure but I ended up a little bit like them and so am tormented with the occasional desire to throttle myself. Still, it was nice to lie around doing nothing all those years even though I do read the New Yorker now.)

Speaking of the New Yorker, this is a great story from Haruki Murakami. The other story I've read of his in the NY-er was also fab.

This is the Wes Clark story...

It's fascinating. This article shows you the subtle way one can smear someone. After reading the article you think you've been told something bad about Wes Clark. (Besides the fact his name is 'Wes.' That's kind of a sucky name.) But you haven't. You only think you have. You know: People didn't like him. Also: He wanted to do the Kosovo thing and it didn't work out perfectly. (None of the reasons discussed seem to be his fault.) He got fired and lots of people whose interests one might suspect anyway don't like him. Finally, he doesn't blink often and is 'stiff.'

I don't care. I have no strong views on Clark...But it is intriguing that they get these people to say: "That guy's a real jerk! He's a rotten person!" and this is very damning politically. In fact, it's a bit scary it can be so easy to destroy someone this way.

Somehow the article makes you think that there's something wrong with the guy without ever quite explaining what that is. Then you remember: Gee, the guy we got now is a guy that everyone likes. Why, I don't think anyone's been more likable since...Reagan!

So maybe that's how we get guys like these for President?

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

What is this? People get mad at you for using the word irony...

but there's this set of circumstances and it's not an irony but people say it's an irony. Then they are ridiculed by those more particular about the use of language for saying something is an irony when it isn't--but there has to be a word for it.

One is forced to say 'that's ironic' as there is no apt word to apply.

For example, my darling love is very touchy and yet I am very blunt. Yet this is not an irony. What is it then? It seems like there should be a word for it.

It's not an irony when the right winger who has never loved before (e.g., Andrew Sullivan) falls in love with a left-wing anti-globalization activist. And yet what is it?????

Ya got the same problem with paradox. There are these absurdities that you want to say are paradoxes but they aren't really paradoxes. What do you say: 'Near paradox'?

Anyway--what are those? They aren't the best examples of this frustrating semi-ironic situation that lacks an appropriate adjective but better than rain on your wedding day. 'Cause that's way not ironic.
Oops. Long last Dad steals son's fiance...

That girl was probably no good anyway.

And damnit Roth! I have the novelization rights!!! You stole my one about the white lookin' black guy who pretended to be white but later got called a racist. You're always ripping off my tabloid TV plots...That's the last time I share my Cohibas with you on the vineyard.

(Isn't that the most amazing thing about novels? I really could write a novel about this and not pay the people a cent as long as I change the names.)

from Seen
Finally! I feel safer...we're closing in on the real dangers

Someone's Gotten Around to Banning the Giant Puppets

And Stick Figures

Miami Bans Giant Puppets

Why? You ask. Well, just ask the Trojans.

And zero tolerance will be shown for those who draw stick figures...
from open sewer

And the world will be safer for us all...

Monday, November 10, 2003

I've tried to shield myself from fame...

From famous people, that is.

It seems so absurd that I am forced to know about them, think about them, see them against my will.

I know I've complained about this before.

And as I also mentioned one side effect of pregnancy is sex dreams...lots and lots of sex dreams. For some reason these seem almost exclusively to be lesbian dreams.

But I object to sex dreams starring the female cast of Friends! Why oh why? I cannot even be free of them in my freakin' sleep.

I appear to desire them almost to the extent that I loathe them. How typical. (I admit that I do laugh at the show but this does not decrease my loathing.)

OK, it was a hot dream. The Jennifer Anniston part in fact was the most enjoyable. Was it Rachel or Jennifer herself? Why couldn't it have been someone really sexy like Salma Hayek?

And why can the absence of television and most magazines not protect me? I think the fact that I am only exposed at the gym makes me all the more susceptible. When I watch the shows about all the money they have and spend, etc. while on the treadmill my mind seems to absorb it like a sieve.

It's a kind of assault, though. I cannot fail to know. Against my own wishes or interests I know all. I know that whats-her-name is pregnant and that whats-her-name had her baby and the black haired one cannot conceive...and so and so's husband died of colon cancer. I know more about these people than about anyone I have ever met outside of my own family.

On another note, I'm really starting to wonder about myself. The lesbian sex dreams are the best. What's up with that?

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