Miel's Utopia

I once expressed some surprise that I have not been made dictator of any country or dictator of the world yet. This was something I grew up simply expecting.

I haven't given up hope on this yet so I do think I need to answer the question: What would Miel's utopia be like?

I'm still thinking through my utopia...

I think it would be part Montessori school, part 1970's Volvo factory. First, no one would have to do anything they don't want to do and there would be plenty of opportunity to do whatever one wants. Of course, we would engage in cooperative tasks but rather than motivate people to do such tasks through fear, shame and censure we would instead make them exciting and fun.

'Merit' would count for a lot in Miel's utopia. However, we're talkin' real merit not that silly merit that makes people who go to Ivy League schools think they deserve all the wealth and prestige they later acquire.

We'd have rather an algorithm or table to figure out what makes someone 'deserve' something. The thing that would make you the most deserving, of course, would be how hard your life is. The people with the hardest lives would deserve the most, the people with the easiest lives would get the least. Hard work would get you things but not in the hierarchical way that it does now...Instead, if you work hard in the fields sowing and reaping you get just as much as someone who works hard in some kind of white collar job.

When bad things happen to you, you also get compensated...So: If you lose a finger or if your wife leaves you or you get cancer, you get something nice--like a small garden, very luxurious sheets and towels, a home entertainment center.

Everything is done on the principle of reward and very little on the principle of punishment...(No one would be stupid enough to believe the retributive theory of punishment anyway). 'Punishments' would be creative: You'd lose your privacy, for example and have to live in a glass house; you'd have to spend all day at the old age home feeding the patients; you'd be made to listen endlessly to the BeeGees. For the occasional person whose behavior is very, very bad we'd make you sit in a room while everyone you'd ever harmed complained and complained and complained....

We'd let you out when you were sorry though.

We'd let people do things that are bad for themselves but we would make them write an essay explaining why. Anyone can try heroin as long as we think their reasons for doing so are good enough...The essays would not be graded too harshly but they'd have to be written coherently and persuasively--spelling and grammatical errors here and there would be alright but one would have to provide evidence for compelling reasons.

No one would be allowed to get 2 of anything until everyone had 1 of that very same thing. No one could have 2 cars unless every person in the world got a car...

Finally--I think we should borrow from Borges the Babylon lottery idea. People would have to trade social positions on occasion...Wealthy people would have to trade social positions with welfare moms, etc.

The utopia is still in the early stages...Naturally, I wouldn't expect a complete utopia. There would be imperfections and problems, I am sure.

I post the highlights from Bin Laden's letter to the U.S....for the moment...without comment

Response to objections
(3) You may then dispute that all the above does not justify aggression against civilians, for crimes they did not commit and offenses in which they did not partake:

(a) This argument contradicts your continuous repetition that America is the land of freedom, and its leaders in this world. Therefore, the American people are the ones who choose their government by way of their own free will; a choice which stems from their agreement to its policies. Thus the American people have chosen, consented to, and affirmed their support for the Israeli oppression of the Palestinians, the occupation and usurpation of their land, and its continuous killing, torture, punishment and expulsion of the Palestinians. The American people have the ability and choice to refuse the policies of their Government and even to change it if they want.

.....

So the American people are the ones who fund the attacks against us, and they are the ones who oversee the expenditure of these monies in the way they wish, through their elected candidates.

.....

We call you to all of this that you may be freed from that which you have become caught up in; that you may be freed from the deceptive lies that you are a great nation, that your leaders spread amongst you to conceal from you the despicable state to which you have reached.

(b) It is saddening to tell you that you are the worst civilization witnessed by the history of mankind:

.........

ii) You are the nation that permits Usury, which has been forbidden by all the religions. Yet you build your economy and investments on Usury. As a result of this, in all its different forms and guises, the Jews have taken control of your economy, through which they have then taken control of your media, and now control all aspects of your life making you their servants and achieving their aims at your expense; precisely what Benjamin Franklin warned you against.

OBL read Benjamin Franklin?

........

(xi) You have destroyed nature with your industrial waste and gases more than any other nation in history. Despite this, you refuse to sign the Kyoto agreement so that you can secure the profit of your greedy companies and*industries.

.........

(xii) Let us not forget one of your major characteristics: your duality in both manners and values; your hypocrisy in manners and principles. All*manners, principles and values have two scales: one for you and one for the others.

(a)The freedom and democracy that you call to is for yourselves and for white race only; as for the rest of the world, you impose upon them your monstrous, destructive policies and Governments, which you call the 'American friends'. Yet you prevent them from establishing democracies. When the Islamic party in Algeria wanted to practice democracy and they won the election, you unleashed your agents in the Algerian army onto them, and to attack them with tanks and guns, to imprison them and torture them - a new lesson from the 'American book of democracy'!!!

(b)Your policy on prohibiting and forcibly removing weapons of mass destruction to ensure world peace: it only applies to those countries which you do not permit to possess such weapons. As for the countries you consent to, such as Israel, then they are allowed to keep and use such weapons to defend their security. Anyone else who you suspect might be manufacturing or keeping these kinds of weapons, you call them criminals and you take military action against them.

(c)You are the last ones to respect the resolutions and policies of International Law, yet you claim to want to selectively punish anyone else who does the same. Israel has for more than 50 years been pushing UN resolutions and rules against the wall with the full support of America.

(d)As for the war criminals which you censure and form criminal courts for - you shamelessly ask that your own are granted immunity!! However, history will not forget the war crimes that you committed against the Muslims and the rest of the world; those you have killed in Japan, Afghanistan, Somalia, Lebanon and Iraq will remain a shame that you will never be able to escape. It will suffice to remind you of your latest war crimes in Afghanistan, in which densely populated innocent civilian villages were destroyed, bombs were dropped on mosques causing the roof of the mosque to come crashing down on the heads of the Muslims praying inside. You are the ones who broke the agreement with the Mujahideen when they left Qunduz, bombing them in Jangi fort, and killing more than 1,000 of your prisoners through suffocation and thirst. Allah alone knows how many people have died by torture at the hands of you and your agents. Your planes remain in the Afghan skies, looking for anyone remotely suspicious.

(e)You have claimed to be the vanguards of Human Rights, and your Ministry of Foreign affairs issues annual reports containing statistics of those countries that violate any Human Rights. However, all these things vanished when the Mujahideen hit you, and you then implemented the methods of the same documented governments that you used to curse. In America, you captured thousands the Muslims and Arabs, took them into custody with neither reason, court trial, nor even disclosing their names. You issued newer, harsher laws.

.........

Earlier he seems to complain that anyone who denies Israel is a Jewish homeland is accused of anti-semitism (as if that's a bad thing) but then later he says the Jews control the U.S. and the whole world...

But if we are being hypocritical by preventing democracy is Shariah law something that goes with democracy?

Main point: Convert to Islam, have better manners, institute Shariah law, pack your bags and get out, we'll get revenge for everything the U.S. has done...

Unclear whether conversion will cancel out revenge imperative.

"It is saddening to tell you that you are the worst civilization in the history of mankind."

Osama Bin Laden's message directly addressed the people of the United States.

Kinda like the Unibomber. Osama Bin Laden has a theory. This is so strange. He argues for his positions. He responds to objections to his view. He considers alternative positions (well, a little bit). It's as if he is trying to persuade. Naturally, U.S. citizens aren't his target audience...I can't really explain it but...the fact that he actually presents political positions in light of what others might say truly is overwhelmingly strange and frightening to me.

Yet, it makes sense doesn't it? Why do I find this so shocking? It is obvious that he would justify his actions...Too bad I can never be serious on this blog. I'd like to write a serious letter to Osama Bin Laden in response to his letter to 'me': "Don't kill us! All that stuff about freedom is a lie anyway!"

See, what did I tell you? Let's bring back the monarchy and then this sort of problem would not arise.

I got this from Gary Farber's amygdala blog. I enjoyed reading his comments

Site meter being killed in...

five
four
three
two
one...

I found another way to find out what day it is NOW.

Strange coincidence...

Unfortunately, in spite of our months and months of mall avoidance...we did finally have to go to the mall. It was a nightmare but we did have an amusing incident.

In the dressing room was a young cute boy. He helped me find the right size. Later when I was leaving I saw him outside and he said 'are you still here? I was just waiting out here to ask you to the movies.'

So I flashed my wedding ring and said "Sorry. Can't. You are cute though." And he said "So are you. Extremely."

I admit I used to be both perplexed and flattered by the fact that men under 23 hit on me the most...in fact, they are the only ones. They stare at me with desperate longing, etc. Then I remembered why: They are under 23! Anything looks good to them! Oh, well.

Anyway, wanting to let my spouse know I still got it I told him...A smile crossed his face. Apparently, while he was waiting for me someone hit on him as well. She came up and starting chatting him up. He told her he (claimed it was 'we' but I'm betting it was 'he') was going to Paris for Christmas.

She said: "I really wish I was your girlfriend right now."
He said: "I don't think my wife would like that."
She: "I said...I wish I was your girlfriend."

According to el C she was really, really hot.

Some hussy tried to steal mah man!

He claimed she didn't want to steal, but just borrow and she would give him back later. But I told him that this was the same as eating after a sibling who licks your food--who wants it then?

But I one-upped him with the haircutter last night who when I asked him if I could show him the Victoria's Secret catalog for the haircut I want said "Are you in it?"

Hah! Two for one...

Anyway--El C redeemed himself with this comment--"Hey, Trent Lott didn't succeed in keeping his fraternity from integrating but he did get to grow up and belong to a club that is almost completely segregated (99 white, one Native American)."

And by God--guess where all this happened? Old Navy?!? Yes, there's sex in the air and everywhere there at Old Navy. Watch out wives and don't let your husbands shop there alone.

My archives are just...gone...

Oops. Where did they go? They were brilliant...really. Will you just take my word for it? This is the best blog you never read.

Where I plagiarize from my former self...

Well...I saw the movie The Two Towers and now I am speechless and can't think of what to write in my blog...

I thought: I know! I'll plagiarize from my past self!

I went looking for things I'd written. Most have been ditched somewhere down the road but I found this cache of story fragments. When did I write these? Why did I write them? I truly have no idea.

It was interesting because I perhaps have figured out the answer to a perplexing question. I have never understood why people want to publish anything. It is the writing that is the point so why bother with all the rest of the trouble? I think I did figure this out, though. Publishing might provide you with three things (1) you can find what you wrote later (2) you are motivated to finish it (3) you might be inclined to write more later. Blogging certainly has this effect. The sense of obligation--however deluded--motivates me. Strangely, it motivates me to ignore the things I genuinely am obligated to do.

You may think people publish for: Praise! Acclaim! Recognition! What about those? I have some thoughts on that matter I may bore my non-existent visitors with later but I simply think that this would never be the least bit compelling. For I would assume that anyone else's opinion would either be uninformed or damaging in some way. Praise usually has some content--If it was just 'You are great! You are perfection itselfl!' that would be nice, of course. But if they went on to tell you why you'd have to realize they didn't understand and their view is entirely unfounded. So I can't imagine finishing anything and then trying to put it in any format except this relatively private one.

And most likely they would only tell you how bad you suck. Strangely, you will know they are right and yet this will traumatize you for years. Why is it that when people tell you all the negative things you know are true about yourself it is so very, very disturbing?

I don't know but I suppose it shows you might have been secretly hoping you were wrong.

This is me speechless. Speechless I say much more than most people do on their blog. I say more than some people do in a month on their blog. I suppose I must admit it is next to impossible to render me speechless.

Good Lord...I could even go on and on about the movie but it was a holy experience and I believe one should not bla bla about the holy.

Now that I wrote all this I have done my duty for the day and needn't go on and show the plagiarism...However, I think I will. I tried to pick only the funniest one although I am surprised to see that I don't seem to be able to write 'straight.' There is nothing autobiographical about this. Where did it come from?

My Mom

I mean one thing about you, you’re so normal, you would never get my mom. My mom is
so weird, she’s so weird, she’s not even a mom. I can’t even call her ‘mom’ sometimes, I cannot even conceptualize her as a mom. This woman--no one can look at her and think ‘mom’ in my opinion. To think that, one would have to be confused about what the word ‘mom’ really means.
O.K., I know I’m exaggerating, because she gave birth to me and everything, so of course, that’s all you have to do to be a mother. So biologically, she’s a mother. I think. She has stretch marks, there’s the evidence. She even did that twice--had kids. Astonishing, isn’t it? She had my brother. She had me. When I think of being a baby, a little kid what do I remember about my mom? Her ice tinkling. Her crystal ice. Her ice for her scotch tinkling, tinkling. [clink] I remember whenever I
had a glass for years and years I would always rattle the ice. I thought that’s what everyone does. You drink, you make the right noise. Of course now I can’t stand the sound of ice tinkling. Regular ice isn’t so bad, the ice you make in the freezer. That makes a kind of low noise. I don’t use that ice either. But the tinkling that crystal ice makes, the store bought kind. In a glass. I
have only plastic cups. I never drink drinks with ice unless it’s really hot and never the store
bought ice, only the home-made kind.
My mom swam in a pool a few times. I saw her. And she did not get her hair wet. She really swam with her whole head out of the water. Only the very, very ends at the back of her head got wet. She swam with all her jewelry. Her makeup, all of that. Like the water would melt her face. This was at some rich guys house when we were kids, my brother and me. We had
fun in this guy’s pool, doing cannonballs and stuff. All I remember about this guy was he was fat, he was a psychiatrist, he had a brown beard he had long hair and was partially bald at the same time. He tried to ask me a lot of questions. When I fell asleep on his couch because it was late, his kids came in and took off my bathing suit bottom. I screamed for my mom, but she didn’t
hear me. So I just grabbed a towel from the bathroom and sat up all night waiting for my mom to come down and get me. I fell asleep and I don’t remember what happened after that. I heard people talking, but I can’t remember the next morning. I sure do remember waking up with no bathing suit bottom. This must’ve been the only guy my mother dated and did not marry. I
would’ve remembered him better if she’d married him.

Results of Secret Experiment Revealed

I tremble with anxiety as I have decided to reveal the results of the secret experiment I have been running on this blog.

I realize that it is unethical to experiment on human subjects without their informed consent. I hope that you will forgive me once you hear my reasons.

Main reason: Well, it was just too much trouble to get your consent.

Plus, you might have said 'no.'

However, I am going to come clean about the experiment...and explain my reasons for performing it here.

You see, I have no money. I have hope in only one thing: Maneki-neko the magic beckoning cat.



Yes, the magic beckoning cat...El chico first turned me on to the magical powers of the magical beckoning cat. I have a blue one in my study ‘for success.’ Traditionally, MN is supposed to bring you money…but I thought: I wonder what MN would do for blogstats?

The results have been incredible…better than I ever imagined they would be. My blogstats have tripled since putting MN on.

Here is a snapshot of the other day to illustrate the remarkable increase:



Of course, one might say: It was the story about the girl obsessed with the Hitachi magic wand that brought them all here. And they didn’t even read your blog anyway.

In fact, one thing that endlessly fascinates me: How can people come to my blog for zero seconds? Is not zero seconds a non-visit? Does it not take a fraction of a second to peruse the blog and move onward? Are laws of time and space being defied here?

Maneki-neko does have his/her limits, I warn you. Otherwise, this blog would be the most visited blog in the history of blogdom.

Rather, it works in a more random and gentle fashion, similar to the way Chinese medicine works perhaps.'

Of course, after MN archived I got even more visits to my blog...so what does that mean? Perhaps the presence of MN simply works wherever it happens to be?

Yes, yes, that’s all true. But it does not disprove the power of MN because that’s the way MN works—randomly…and it is only effective with respect to numbers: You cannot receive the intangible through the magic beckoning cat. You might put MN in your house and hope you will get a raise but instead you will win the lottery or something. Thus, my impromptu posting of that idiotic magic wand story was merely the blog equivalent of hitting the numbers. (It doesn’t make you rich—just gives you enough to buy a fur coat and the down payment on a lease for a Lexus.)

Of course, one problem that arose is I'm not entirely sure I wanted people to "read" (or visit momentarily) my blog. But this problem is easy to solve.

And now I can get rid of my site meter. So unseemly I know! To monitor your presence in this furtive way. However, I currently use it to figure out what day it is so I may have to wait a bit on that until I'm more 'caught up' on things. (And don't say: Use a calendar...a calendar does not tell you what day it is NOW. Duh.)

Let's Bring Back The Monarchy

I've recently realized...although we complain of political dynasties...there really is a case to be made to bringing back the monarchy.

Maybe things aren't quite as bad as I thought but if they are: Could we do much worse? I personally think if we picked someone at random out of the phone book we might actually do a bit better than currently...

Now this might be the most radical political view we currently have available---but I think I can get it going. How about it? Anybody feel like making our head of state an inherited position? (Certainly NOT the current head of state...I say we pick someone from a list of very well-qualified candidates.)

Of course the first problem is: What about the aristocracy? The monarchy typically depends on an aristocracy and unfortunately the aristocracy always really sucked. So I say--we bring back the monarchy without all that aristocracy business. Just a monarch and his descendants will have heritable positions and titles....However, we do need backup monarchs and so the direct and indirect descendants of the monarch need to be given titles and a certain amount of prestige so that when they step into the job they already have the props necessary to rule.

We don't even have to call them "King" or "Queen"...We can use more interesting names like "The Big Guy" or "Kahuna" or "Tsar" or "Caesar."

Reason #1: Monarchs don't have to bow to public opinion. They can do what they regard as the best choice without worrying about their political futures.

Here, I think our guiding light should be Edmund Burke: "When the leaders choose to make themselves bidders at an auction of popularity, their talents, in the construction of the state, will be of no service. They will become flatterers instead of legislators; the instruments, not the guides, of the people."

Reason #2: Monarchs unite the country under a spirit of common feeling. If they are dignified and courageous we look to them for inspiration. If they are weak and insipid we ridicule them but without the despairing sense we have now that it wasn't really supposed to be this way.

Edmund Burke again: "In this choice of inheritance we have given to our frame of polity the image of a relation in blood; binding up the constitution of our country with our dearest domestic ties; adopting our fundamental laws into the bosom of our family affections; keeping inseparable and cherishing with the warmth of all their combined and mutually reflected charities, our state, our hearths, our sepulchres, and our altars."

Reason #3: Especially apt at the current moment: Vainglory. I'm too lazy to search for a quote...Hobbes' general idea (I'm about 75% sure) was that constant strife among people is the result in part of vainglory. People's natural tendency to assume they are right will cause them to continually war against one another. This will result in civil conflict and general disorder--which is not in our interest. Thus, we need an absolute sovereign.

At the same time, Hobbes claims we are all created equal. So you don't have to hold the divine right of kings to want absolute sovereignty.

I don't want our sovereign to be absolute...I suppose the vainglory point doesn't really support what I was thinking about...But aren't our current leaders vainglorious? At least a sovereign would limit the number of people whose vainglory will be a problem.

Reason #4 : Avoiding the blame. At the current moment every American citizen is subject to blame, censure, criticism and possibly even death for every idiotic, indifferently callous, irresponsible, murderous, wicked thing our government does. Why? I take it the reason is that we are ostensibly a democracy and hence 'we' (whoever the hell 'we' are) are responsible in some way for all these actions taken by our government--secret or public. 'We' are supposed to know...and to stop...somehow...our government from violence, war, economic exploitation of other countries, etc., etc.

How 'we' could do this is a mystery but I take it that the idea is that as long as 30% of us still vote we are taken to endorse the actions of the government. Further, some of these actions are quite popular. I fully admit that. The lack of dissent--the weakness of dissent?--is taken to be a full endorsement.

At the moment I guess...the burden seems to be on every American to engage in non-stop protest. I guess that's certainly the case. But we're just so busy and everything...and it all seems a bit futile. It's not like we can take those mortar launchers and submachine guns that are legal in many parts of the country and just turn them on our own government? It is obvious that they have much greater firepower. And who has the time?

A monarchy could stop all that! We could no longer be held responsible for these hideous doings. We'd be completely off the hook, in fact.

Reason #5: Avoidance of government stopping political scandals. There really is no point in bothering with these scandals if your monarch is powerful enough. (Not like those British monarchs who have somehow turned into celebrities rather than monarchs.) Plus, the monarch will be raised to be monarch. He will know ahead of time not to get arrested driving drunk or having affairs with the wrong people...And actually, it won't be such a big deal if he does have them--since he's the monarch after all. That's what monarchs do.

A major question is: Who gets to be the monarch? Well, at first I was thinking it would be easiest if we just picked a king and queen that were already famous, likely to breed and loved by all. So I was thinking--What about Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston?

However, I think it is clear that the monarch should definitely be black. I assume I don't have to give a lot of reasons for this--It's just obvious that there is something creepy about those kind of blonde monarchs. First I thought--what about Will and Jada? But Will doesn't have the gravitas to rule. So I believe Denzel Washington and his wife would work exceedingly well as first monarchs. Morgan Freedman would also make an excellent monarch except I don't know much about his current children and I think it would be nice if the first prince/princess were born in the castle.

Not quite sure yet...or if it even has to be someone famous. My alternative view is that we should just let those guys who picked out and raised the Dalai Lama be in charge of picking the monarch. Look at the Dalai Lama! Wouldn't you want him for a monarch? Those lamas obviously have a knack that the American public lacks. (Of course, I'd say--it's not our fault...if we just got to pick from any baby...anywhere...we'd be doing alright. It's the range of choices we have that really causes the problems.)

Edmund Burke's Reflections on the Revolution in France

Explanation for This Week's Excuse

This unbelievably brilliant poem will explain it all to you...just read. And you will never need me for an excuse again.

More Lies Exposed: Sleep--You don't really need it...

I'm so tired of being guilt tripped into feeling guilty about not sleeping! OK, so sometimes I only sleep for an hour or so. And lots of times I sleep for 3 (4 seems a lot). I don't take naps.

Everyone wants me to feel guilty about this. And it used to work! But not anymore...Why should I feel bad? What's so great about sleep anyway?

Wait...what was I saying...I can't remember...

(OK, sometimes I do this--yes, sometimes I forget the day, the month, the season of the year, my own name, etc. But I feel great today. After 75 minutes of sleep. You know what works the best? Amphetamines! No, not really. Actually, I used post-hypnotic suggestion (really). I lie down and then I say to myself: You are not going to be tired today. And it works. Well, I'm never tired--that's a big reason why I don't sleep. But what I mean is--I'm going to be able to focus my eyes on people when they talk to me and not worry about how long that hallway looks--did it grow somehow?-- or how many hours the interval was between the time someone asked me a question and the time I answered, or fall over suddenly and inexplicably.)

But darn it all...I'm just sick of feeling guilty for not sleeping like a 'normal' person. Of course the government and the powers that be want you to sleep a lot! Sleeping people are no threat to them. While you sleep, they plot world takeover (Of course, they already took over but they plot to takeover MORE than they already did).

I'm telling you--you don't need sleep. You really don't need it. All that shit about 8 hours a night is a LIE.

Some cool art

Daintily's amazing collages

Eddie Breen is an artist who blogger featured who makes dull art into exciting art

This is the dull one

This is the exciting one

This is the newest gallery Read about Eddie...he's very cool...everything an artist should be...

This is an Australian artist--Gareth Samson whose site I have had on my blog for a long time...

God, this blog has degenerated rapidly

I'm now talking about my actual life. Sheesh. I'm trying not to even remember right now my original plan when I started blogging. It seems so horribly pathetic now.

I'm only going to bla bla about actual life for a little while. Hey man, saving the 'good stuff' for later. Main real life bla bla for today: I don't have to shop for Christmas presents. Thank God! I hate shopping. I like buying things...but I hate shopping. Main problem with shopping: abundance freaks me out.

Massive abundance. I simply can't handle it. There are too many things in stores. If there is one small section of one store or a very, very small store...then I can shop there. Usually, though I feel this deep inner fatigue simply looking at all the things I might potentially look at, let alone buy. Just grocery shopping is a whole day affair (or whole night in my case).

My apartment is full of strange items. You might ask: How did I collect such a massive amount of stuff without shopping? Well...it was all sort of sitting on the sidewalk or in a weird market in some foreign country. That doesn't scare me like Macy's does.

The abundance of the internet is something I also find daunting. There are so so many peculiar links I have collected...There seem to be an infinite amount of absurd and pointless items. I have trouble resisting the completely useless and so it is best if I keep away from malls as much as possible.

The internet has the Borges library problem--not the Quentin Tarantino version I wrote about before. I thank God Borges didn't live long enough to hear about (since he couldn't see) the internet. He probably couldn't have handled it.

In other words, I am going to Paris for Christmas and so I don't have to shop at all.

This is all just a very long segue into a question I want to ask but cannot receive the answer to...which is: How fat are French people? I remember going to Paris and being very happy there were a lot of fat, badly dressed people there. I might have simply been on the lookout for them and not noticed any of the slim, chic people. We spent a lot of time at Tati and McDonald's during that trip and I probably forgot to go to the Champs Elysees.

(Boy, Switzerland was so nice. Basel is so full of white trash people who don't mow their lawns and were metaldeath rock t-shirts. Who would have thought? It was just like my hometown and very comforting.)

In other words, how out of place will I be if I don't look like Amelie? Do I have to brush my hair? Can I wear my dorm pants and 8 year old Nikes everywhere like I do now? (I wonder what French people thought of Amelie. It seemed so quaint--was it some kind of parody of Parisian culture?) Will people be mean to my loud and flamboyant (but relatively slender) parents? Will our screaming family fights get us kicked out of restaurants? Do people in Paris occasionally throw food at each others' heads? What about my father's plan to make all male members of our clan grow goatees for this trip? Will we be exposed to ridicule and derision? In spite of our incessant crudeness, we are really quite sensitive to criticism.

Plus, my father grows somewhat violent when people attempt to correct the behavior of his unruly children. I do not want my father to spend Christmas in a Parisian jail.

It's great to get out of shopping but as you can see, I'm a bit worried.

When I was coming home from the gym today...

I saw a flash of light throught someone's window...Their living room was bathed in a cheery multi-colored light and I saw from the flash of imagery through their window: The Simpsons were on...Alas, sometimes a girl needs TV. I felt a pang of sadness.

Also, I remembered last week at the gym there was this movie on with Debby Harry as a madam for high class call girls. Did I watch the end? No...I will never know how it ends...Never. Unless by some incredible streak of luck the end plays again one day when I'm at the gym or at my parents' house.

The dialogue (which I had to read through those subtitle things for the deaf because my walkman's batteries are dead) seemed truly brilliant. It was better than Dangerous Liasons...really.

Thus, I turn to the internet for entertainment. Am I really 'saving myself' from mindless time wasting by not having TV? Well, I was until I discovered blogging.

Still, some joy is to be found here...and TV just made me sad. The things I read on the internet often frustrate and enrage me which is a more 'active' type of state. It has at least that advantage. (I gave up reading the New York Times because its occasional stupidity used to drive me mad but I've fallen off the wagon and I'm reading again.)

Of course...one could say: Why not just forego mindless entertainment altogether? I will...someday I will...someday I'll really face reality in all its cold ferocity. I'm not ready for that yet.

And the internet always reminds me delightfully of the mystery, the diversity, the whimsical nature of modern culture. TV so rarely does that.

For example there's this Crazy Japanese movie where cats turn into giant penis heads

from buffoonery (B. also has a cute thing there 'when office supplies attack!

Boy B is just filled with juicy tidbits like the man with the smallest penis in existence and the electron microscope technician that loved him. It's a wonderful but unfinished piece of dark comedy. Episode 3 does not debut until tomorrow. How I'll find it I'll never know. Another thing I won't know the end of. Shucks.

And also look at B's cool photos...

Found this bonanza via I, Asshole

Christmas is coming

So buy me somethin' pretty?

Here's a good place to spend your money...

and I'd really love you if you plunked down a big wad of cash here...